I based this parody on
“One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies. The one lesson I learned is to check how *long* a song actually is before
beginning to write a parody of it. LOL Warning: adult language and mature content. Here’s the original lyrics: http://www.lyricalcontent.com/htmlit.php?q=1299&artist=Barenaked+Ladies&title=One+Week
***
“Next Week”
It’s been a few
days since House looked at Cuddy
After storming into her
office and saying, “I’m angry!”
Four hours of boring clinic
duty is playing
Havoc with House’s
‘avoid people who bite’ policy
Three Ducklings stand
in the ‘clean room’
Realizing House gets results,
but risks getting sued
Yesterday he even complimented
Cuddy
But she still won’t
let him slide on his clinic duty
There’s no way House
will ever see a shrink
But he might have a drink
You’re not looking
at Superman
He summons Ducklings to
do things he hopes Cuddy will miss
Like breaking into patients’
homes with a “white chick” and Foreman
Charming when he wants
to be while solving cases
Wilson thinks are important
enough for Stockholm and other places
House wears snazzy Nike
running shoes
Because they’re
comfortable and bug Cuddy a bit
Cuddy matches wits, saying,
“I’m pretty sure I can outrun you”
House needs a break even
if he has to take
A pregnant Mom’s
case so he can watch plasma TV
He likes “General
Hospital” and savours
Watching his favourite
show
When the Obstetricians
can no longer throw
Him out of their comfy
lounge, those wieners
House loves to make his
boss Lisa Cuddy mad
He’s a bastard when
the pain in his leg’s bad
But he keeps patients
from having premature funerals
Annoy him and he won’t
share his yummy Vicodin pills
He has a tendency to speak
his mind and believes
In trying different treatments
until something works
It’s been several
days since Cuddy
Said to House, “You’re
ordering tests to cover your lechery”
And more days since Foreman
complained about being ridden, bitterly
But House quipped, “That
rules out the race thing. You were just as black last week”
Nothing snaps House out
of his depression and gloom
Not even toying with patients
in the examination room
But give him a fascinating
medical case to study
And he’s on the
job—hope he earns “brownie points” from Cuddy
Look at the time—the
time is tickin’
House has to rush if a
patient’s heart stops beatin’
He’s solving mysteries
with little to go on
Good thing his deductive
skills are so strong
He always likes to flirt
with Doctor Cameron
And sooths her when she’s
frantic
But what will he mention
next—sex that’s tantric?
It wouldn’t break
his heart if she likes older guys
Like Mick Jagger House
is a rock star
Okay he’s not a
rock star
But he can quote Rolling
Stones’ lyrics and that’s why
With his piano at home
everyone has a hunch
He loves music a bunch
He’s really just
a very lonely guy
He doesn’t hang
out at golf Clubs
And probably could use
some therapeutic massage rubs
Maybe then he wouldn’t
be so sore at everything
And so full of gloom
Or maybe he just needs
a hot babe
To make his heart sing
Can’t help it if
we think he’s funny when he’s mad
We’re trying hard
not to laugh when he acts bad
He’s the kind of
doctor who’s not a quack or a shill
Don’t understand
what I mean? Keep watching and you soon will
He has a chemical dependency
but his pills just alleviate
His pain so he can do
his work
It’s been too many
days since we’ve seen
House solving puzzles
in all his glory
Tuesdays fly by and other
days drag instead
Can’t wait to see
what he’ll do
Next time House appears
in our living rooms
Hope FOX runs this show
for years to come, too
Yesterday a “House”
rerun was on TV
And it’ll still
be a week till the next mystery
Waiting for “House”
to return to TV
Is as painful as House’s
leg seems to be
Can’t wait for “House”
to return next week