Dr-House.com Fanfiction

Next Week
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By Sanlin 70

"Next Week"

I based this parody on “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies. The one lesson I learned is to check how *long* a song actually is before beginning to write a parody of it. LOL Warning: adult language and mature content. Here’s the original lyrics: http://www.lyricalcontent.com/htmlit.php?q=1299&artist=Barenaked+Ladies&title=One+Week

 

***

“Next Week”

 

It’s been a few days since House looked at Cuddy

After storming into her office and saying, “I’m angry!”

Four hours of boring clinic duty is playing

Havoc with House’s ‘avoid people who bite’ policy

Three Ducklings stand in the ‘clean room’

Realizing House gets results, but risks getting sued

Yesterday he even complimented Cuddy

But she still won’t let him slide on his clinic duty

 

There’s no way House will ever see a shrink

But he might have a drink

You’re not looking at Superman

He summons Ducklings to do things he hopes Cuddy will miss

Like breaking into patients’ homes with a “white chick” and Foreman

Charming when he wants to be while solving cases

Wilson thinks are important enough for Stockholm and other places

House wears snazzy Nike running shoes

Because they’re comfortable and bug Cuddy a bit

Cuddy matches wits, saying, “I’m pretty sure I can outrun you”

House needs a break even if he has to take

A pregnant Mom’s case so he can watch plasma TV

He likes “General Hospital” and savours

Watching his favourite show

When the Obstetricians can no longer throw

Him out of their comfy lounge, those wieners

 

House loves to make his boss Lisa Cuddy mad

He’s a bastard when the pain in his leg’s bad

But he keeps patients from having premature funerals

Annoy him and he won’t share his yummy Vicodin pills

He has a tendency to speak his mind and believes

In trying different treatments until something works

 

It’s been several days since Cuddy

Said to House, “You’re ordering tests to cover your lechery”

And more days since Foreman complained about being ridden, bitterly

But House quipped, “That rules out the race thing. You were just as black last week”

Nothing snaps House out of his depression and gloom

Not even toying with patients in the examination room

But give him a fascinating medical case to study

And he’s on the job—hope he earns “brownie points” from Cuddy

 

Look at the time—the time is tickin’

House has to rush if a patient’s heart stops beatin’

He’s solving mysteries with little to go on

Good thing his deductive skills are so strong

He always likes to flirt with Doctor Cameron

And sooths her when she’s frantic

But what will he mention next—sex that’s tantric?

It wouldn’t break his heart if she likes older guys

 

Like Mick Jagger House is a rock star

Okay he’s not a rock star

But he can quote Rolling Stones’ lyrics and that’s why

With his piano at home everyone has a hunch

He loves music a bunch

He’s really just a very lonely guy

He doesn’t hang out at golf Clubs

And probably could use some therapeutic massage rubs

Maybe then he wouldn’t be so sore at everything

And so full of gloom

Or maybe he just needs a hot babe

To make his heart sing

 

Can’t help it if we think he’s funny when he’s mad

We’re trying hard not to laugh when he acts bad

He’s the kind of doctor who’s not a quack or a shill

Don’t understand what I mean? Keep watching and you soon will

He has a chemical dependency but his pills just alleviate

His pain so he can do his work

 

It’s been too many days since we’ve seen

House solving puzzles in all his glory

Tuesdays fly by and other days drag instead

Can’t wait to see what he’ll do

Next time House appears in our living rooms

Hope FOX runs this show for years to come, too

Yesterday a “House” rerun was on TV

And it’ll still be a week till the next mystery

Waiting for “House” to return to TV

Is as painful as House’s leg seems to be

Can’t wait for “House” to return next week